anticipation is bittersweet.

UNPRODUCTIVE.

that’s what I am, to the nth degree! I can hardly get anything accomplished. Well, that’s not completely true. If it relates to our trip than I am on it like white on rice.  (obviously blogging isn’t cruise related and thus? ignored.) John feels the same way.

It reminds me of 20 years ago, and the weeks prior to our wedding…where all of my energy and attention was focused on THAT DAY, and regular life was just an annoyance to be borne until then.

We have had a countdown clock on the computer since Day 83 or so and this morning? It is down to less than 48 hours until we are on a plane! I am getting the house cleaned, the kids prepared, the bags packed and one last manicure in…oh and that silly spray tan I am trying out this afternoon. While I appreciate being evenly brown without risking melanoma? I am hating the fact that I now have anything in common with Paris Hilton. But its on my list of Last Minute Preparations and I am checking things off, one by one…

Mixed with the joy and anticipation I feel, there is also a strange impatience and frustration that stuns me…I don’t like being this fixated on something that will, eventually, be over. Today I told John I almost want it to hurry up and get here, so I can get BACK to regular life! Back to focusing only on chores and meal planning and homeschooling and taking these silly french nails off so I can plant green beans.

Yet, at the same time? I dread getting on the ship because it will mean it’s almost over! All the wonderful anticipation, the conversations in bed at night, the google searching for excursions in Mazatlan, getting pretty white nails to magically transform grubby gardeners hands? All that quickly replaced again with…well, chores and meal planning and homeschooling.

This experience is a metaphor and a reminder, to my silly, distractable self…

Every vacation over 20 years, I have loved. Even just camping I am filled with delight! I look around and pinch myself and say to John and the boys “and just think! God says that Heaven will be even better than THIS?!” (Walking around Disney World, that was the hardest time to comprehend that truth, we loved it so!) But no eye has seen and no mind can imagine, what God has in store for those who love Him…i believe Him when He states such things. ALL good gifts come down from the Father of lights! Which makes it easy to rejoice when He hands you little foretastes of the fun you will someday experience…a 10 day cruise, celebrating a resurrected marriage? It’s nothing, compared to what’s coming!

 My “regular” life on this earth will come to an end (there is a countdown clock for my souls exit date, and it is gettin closer, everyday) and a Banquet is being prepared. My Groom is waiting, with a smile on His face. I look forward to that  joyful, feasting celebration and the ease of all toil—not just for 10 days-but permanently.

I hope I can dream…

and prepare…

and anticipate…

THAT day, as much as I have  April 2, 2010!

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About sparrowjourney

Christian homeschooling mom to three boys, married to my best friend, John, for over 20 years. I love gardening without gloves, learning history with my kids, cooking with lots of butter, serving others, great books, rich coffee, studying the Bible, camping outdoors, scrapbooking, vintage home decor, the smell of rain and cut grass, authentic people, poetry, laughing until your sides hurt, and babies. oh and black licorice is pretty awesome.
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