One of the bonuses about living in a town full of environmentally conscious hippies? Is that, in their quest to save the earth, they donate everything to secondhand stores. The fact that the local populace is also known for extreme dedication to bicycling and running? It means that a lot of really nice fitness clothing gets donated, too! Including these $86.00 running pants, made by CW-X. They are “compression tights” and are specifically made to “wrap each muscle and ligament in such a way as to enhance performance, and speed, increase endurance and reduce post-workout fatigue.”
In other words? These tights are so snug that nothin’ jiggles. I had read about (and coveted) them, via Runners World magazine, and therefore I knew to snatch them up when I saw them at the Goodwill for just $4.99.
This afternoon, when the boys saw me wearing them? There was a lot of oohing and aahing and a (quite rare) compliment to my looking “cool!” and even an enthusiastic comparison of my legs and Spider-mans costume…
Do you like how I put the can of fruit there, so you can do an accurate size comparison? These are teensy-tiny. I know what you are thinking:
“So. Brenda. Just how did you get your pineapple tidbits in there, anyway?”
and let me just say, it wasn’t easy, but I did it. And I ran over 5 miles in them, and they worked as described. I even learned a few things! For instance:
1. I learned that our house is exactly 2.3 miles from the closest Dari-Mart.
2. and that, if you are panting and sufficiently sweaty, and you look like you might pass out next to the Beef Jerky display? That the kind clerks at Dari-Mart will waive the .25 cent cup fee, and let you have a glass of water.
3. and also? If you are disoriented and exhausted enough to press the wrong button–you get carbonated water.
4. and if you gulp down 16 ounces of carbonated water in 30 seconds, and then start running…
5. you will burp.
6. a lot. like: overandoverandoverandover, until you start getting nervous that, like Charlie and his grandfather did, you will start rising into the atmosphere, Willy Wonka style.
7. And, if you live in a little podunk town, full of bored, desperate rednecks driving around in rusty trucks? Then–even if you are middle-aged, and wrap your legs in spandex like sausage and sweat profusely and run down the main sidewalks, belching…
you can still get a whistle or two.